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Was I Born This Way?


Many who struggle with same sex attraction cannot remember a time when they didn’t have these feelings, therefore the assumption is that “I must have been born this way.” Feelings of love and intimacy with the same sex are normal and needed for us to be emotionally nurtured. Yet, when those feelings become sexualized or erotic, we have crossed a line or boundary. But a closer, sometimes painful look at events from the past during our very vulnerable and young growing up years will usually reveal an event or several events, (and often even the way we perceived those events) that broke our ability to view ourselves in the image God created us. Our ability to safely and confidently view ourselves as a man or a woman, has been corrupted or defiled by these events.

For some, it was the absence of a father through divorce, or maybe being born outside of marriage without a father in the home at all. For others, it was the presence of a father who never nurtured our character but belittled it and demanded more than we could be or give. Or maybe you were physically or sexually abused, or had a mother who was very mean toward you or negligent. The reasons can be many. Everyone has a story, and people do things for reasons. I did not just wake up one morning and decide to be attracted to the same sex.

But I did have the feelings at a young age, and therefore it would be easy for me to say that I was born this way. But I do not have to make choices based on feelings. I might feel like having a cheeseburger and fries while trying to loose weight, but I know that it is not the right thing to do. I have impulses, but I can make choices. As I have chosen to walk in what the bible calls holiness, (that is believing God and choosing to do what He asks of me), my feelings have changed.